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Image: kitty catJune 25, 2016... We had my elderly kitty cat Shakti euthanized on June 14 of this year. She was almost 14. She was quite sickly. You can Click Here to read more about her. What I want to talk about here is the dream or whatever that I had the night after, or the night after the night after, we had her euthanized. Was a dream? Or wasit in that moment between waking and sleeping? It only lasted less than a second. I saw her face and it was huge, but it was evil-looking and snarling at me. Was she unhappy that we did that to her? I don't know. Was that her, or was that something I just made up in my mind? I think it was the "right" thing to do, rather than watch her slowly fade away in pain. I wish I could have communicated with her somehow that she was going to a better place, we just petted her and loved on her at the end. That's all we could do. And that's all I have to say.

June 11, 2016... I had a dream last night where some friends and I were preparing for the arrival of a holy/spiritual person. We were in some large auditorium like place. In the dream, I had been coerced into staying up until 11:00 PM to help with some things (11pm is normally way past my bed time), particularly some computer-involved things. My friends were all excited about the arrival of this spiritual person. I wasn't happy about staying up till 11 but I figured I could do at least that. But then it turned out, that person wasn't even arriving until 11, and I'd be there until more like 2 or 3 AM. I wasn't up for that. I said I was leaving. My friends were all disappointed but I left anyway.
    I am writing this to tell you that you don't have to be all spiritual and exceed your own boundaries if you don't want to. You don't have to make yourself sick because it is expected of you. Don't let others convince you to do things you don't really want to do. If they are doing these things and are really into it then, fine. Absolutely allow people to do their own thing if they wish. Don't let them convince you that you have to do what they are doing and feel how they are feeling. If someone is disappointed in you because you don't want to do this one thing, or any other thing you feel uncomfortable with then maybe you need to find new friends. Just sayin'.
    Once upon a time when I was in my 20s my husband and I were in Fairfield, Iowa to see the Maharishi Mahesh Yogi (founder of the Transcendental Meditation movement) speak and we waited many hours in the freezing cold with lots of other people. We were young; we were taken in by him and his teachings. Yes, I felt a great deal of good feelings, otherwise known as "bliss" in the movement, when he came on to the stage and spoke. There were people up there on the stage wanting to bow down to him. Well, that was fine in my youth. Do what you want until you don't want to do it any more. If you want to read more about my Transcendental Meditation experiences, that's another story and you can Click here to read about my experiences.

Image: Young woman and manNovember 30, 2012... A couple of weeks or so ago another nephew of mine killed himself. He was only 54. I wonder if he killed himself because the other nephew, his cousin, did it. He took drugs and alcohol. He was found dead after a few days. He was a very mis-treated and sensitive man. He had a hard life. He was sexually abused by a priest in his youth among other things. Shortly after he died I had a dream about him and we were laughing and hugging and running through a field. I was very close to him; he said I was his favorite aunt; he lived a long way away from me but we spoke on the phone often. I think, in the dream, it was him telling me he was fine. After the first nephew committed suicide I wrote an article called Have Less Kids and put it on my Website. Click the link to read it.

August 9, 2012... Several weeks ago one of my nephews shot himself in the head. He was at a shooting range. He did not survive. He was only 36. I've been sad and upset for some time. I think I'm starting to feel better now. This nephew was the only son of my only brother. He was sweet and kind. He was kind of shy and kind of a loner. I wish I had been able to talk to him. It still hurts my heart to write about it so I won't write any more right now. If you want to see what I wrote about depression, suicide and other things on another page, called Have Less Kids, Click Here. What I really still want to know, and mention in that article, is what happens after death? Who's right?

Image: Woman with white hairMay 6, 2012... On another note. I just had my birthday. I'm 61. How many more years do I have left here on this planet? And will I come happily back here again in another body after I leave here? I wish when I do come back, if one believes in reincarnation, I would remember at least some things from my past lives. Some of the lessons I learned and mistakes I made. It is said that it would blow our minds if we remembered everything. Maybe that's why there are so many people in mental institutions.
I stay out of politics and religion. I'm basically a happy person or could be if people would leave me alone and if I didn't see so much unhappiness around me in the world. Am I hiding my head in the sand? I guess so. I see about a million things in the world that I would like to see changed. How can I pick one or just a few? I can't so I live out here off the grid happily writing things in my Web site.

May 6, 2012... Well, here it is 2012. The time is flying by. Is anything really going to change? Probably not. I'd like to have $100 for every time I heard that things are going to change and then they didn't. Back in the 1990s we thought the aliens were going to come and rescue us. They didn't. Back in the 1960s we were singing about "The Age of Aquarius". Where is it? When I was a member of the Transcendental Meditation movement we were supposed to meditate together to bring about world peace. Where is that? During times in Fairield, Iowa - the main TM town in the USA - there were lots of people meditating there and there was still violence going on. One time some man threw himself in front of a train. If Fairfield is supposed to so great why are there still arguments and violence going on there?
I've also heard that we are in the Kali Yuga now and supposedly rising quickly into the Satt Yuga. When is that going to happen? In Satt Yuga everyone will live in peace and harmony. I'm still waiting.
Anyway, I'm waiting for the end of 2012 - probably, like I said, nothing will change. How about you? Do you think we are going to live in peace or that everything is going to be destroyed or what?

February 22, 2012... It's been a while. I've been having some physical problems. According to my doctor I have to stay away from coffee, tomatoes and some other things. But otherwise everything here is fine and dandy for my husband and I in our little house out among the sage brush of Northern New Mexico. Life is interesting!

July 1, 2011... I had a thought today. Why would we humans here on earth be so arrogant to think that anything that we offer up, or down, to the earth or to the angels matter to them? Does it? We are just... as one wise man once said, just "fleas on a dogs back." Are we?

June 21, 2011... We're nearing the 7 billion population people point on our planet. Is there anything we can do about this? My great-niece is pregnant with her fifth and sixth children - twins. I can't say anything to her about this. My own daughter won't have any children. I am happy that she won't. I only had one child. We as a people are ruining this planet. There is no where to move that is safe on this planet. We are ruining the oceans, the rain forests. We will some day have no oxygen to breath. Maybe this will be a good thing. We are only making it bad for ourselves. Actually, the planet will be fine. It's us that will be gone. Thank goodness. I, personally, can't wait. Bye, bye.

June 9, 2011... Time flies when you're having fun. I guess I haven't had any thoughts for some time, or I've just been really busy, and what I have written below is fine. So.... please read on. I'm going to read some of what I wrote below and add some comments in parentheses.

Image: White-haired woman sitting at the desk at the UNM-Taos LibraryJanuary 29, 2008... I've been searching for "the truth" for 40 + years.  I've been meditating and other things for most of that time also.  Mainly all I find is people who want to make more and more money. 
I'm tired of being taken advantage of.  Yesterday I had a really bad experience with someone.
      I'm a "nice" person, sometimes too nice.  Sometimes I wonder if I have an invisible tattoo on my forehead that says "take advantage of me" that only certain people can see.
      All I want in life is to make enough money to be comfortable, to get a massage or some type of healing when I want and/or need it.  I've tried everything, just about.  I wish I knew how to change my karma or whatever it is.   I just lost my favorite job in November and other stuff.  Actually, I'm hoping to get that job back. (I never did)
I don't want money just for myself, I want it so I can also give it to others who need it.  Like a couple of my sisters and some friends. 
      The other day I discovered that my niece is working for what could be called a loan shark.  They loan people money and then charge them over 300% APR.  My gosh!  She makes over $40 per hour, probably more like $50 per hour!  My other niece works at a place that makes those night vision glasses for warfare.  I just wonder what this world is coming to and if things are really improving, as some people say.  I've watched "The Secret" and lots of other types of similar movies and read lots of books.  Right now I wouldn't mind getting some of all that money floating around out there.
But then I get annoyed sometimes.  I guess today is one of those days. 
I just want that tattoo removed.  :-)
      Actually, I wouldn't mind having a WHOLE LOT of money!! But without taking advantage of anyone!
      There are SO MANY things I want to do with my life! You know???!!??

December 29, 2007... I lost my favorite job in December. Actually I hadn't worked at that job since Nov 1. I loved that job. I know this isn't a metaphysical thought, but I feel disappointed and sad. As far as metaphysics are concerned, I've been reading some books. I feel really good while I'm reading metaphysical books or watching these types of movies, but then I have to go back to my life. .... And it's not always happy and joyous. What should I do!?! I still have some great clients and I should be happy, but I'm not all the time.

January 16, 2007... It's been a while. I have been doing other techniques besides TM. I occasionally "do" TM also. I find that just living life to the fullest is the best way to go. I still read many books and watch movies about metaphysical stuff. The last movie we watched was "The Secret," and I own the book. Life is good and I just keep on keeping on. I am still busy attending college part-time. Soon I have to make a decision as to whether to continue my studies or get a "real" job. This new year is full of happiness and hopes and dreams for fulfillment of harmony and peace for myself and the world. That's all I have to say.

Image: Me, Bert and my sister Arl during her visit here to Taos in October, 2006May 19, 2006... I had a great birthday. I got straight A's again this semester, but the spiritual side of my life is still not quite what it used to be. I know people who "see" other dimensions and stuff like that; as mentioned below, I don't "see" anything. How can I believe that these people are for real and that it's not all a big joke?
I went to a Beltane Celebration a couple of weeks ago. It was fine, but it was just like a nice party slash potluck gathering with nice people, that's all. I didn't experience anything out of the ordinary. Nothing. Nada. I enjoy my life, don't get me wrong. But I meditated for many, many years and did A LOT of New Age type stuff. I always thought there was more to life than having material things. Is there?
      I've basically quit all the Metaphysical, New Age stuff in my life. Anyone want to write to tell me that I should keep searching? The man I had been learning from is a smoker and can't control his undesirable urges. Well, I can't go to his classes any more because my lungs are not happy. Well, I talked about this below on March 15. What should I do? I am not going to learn from him any more, that's for sure. I don't think I can learn any more from a person like that. Maybe I'll get a boost again one of these days in that area of my life. Maybe it's a lost cause for us here in the "Material World". I've learned a lot throughout my life. But, was it of any use? That is the question. I don't make much money, I don't even have health or life insurance! I don't make enough money to afford to pay for health or life insurance. I'm now 55 years old. What have I done with my life? How much longer will I have to live this life? And what will it be like when it's over? Will I be happy in the here-after about what I have done in the here?

March 30, 2006... I've basically quit just about everything in the way of spirituality for a while. Perhaps I'll start up again in the spring. I need a break.

March 15, 2006... I quit my Celtic Shamanism classes not that long ago. The man who "teaches" the classes is a chain smoker and has a yappy dog that yaps loudly whenever anyone comes or leaves. My lungs and my ears are more precious to me than being in that class. I also recently bought some ting-shas and a crystal ball. I'm just finding a new and different path in my life now.

February 9, 2006...  I've always thought that I couldn't really live my life without some link to spirituality in it. I've felt that I would be even more depressed than I am without some form of spirituality in my life. I feel that I am different than "normal" people. I don't want the fancy car or the fancy clothes and all that. I want more... I know there is more to life than those physical things. I wish I could see more of the "other realms" with my physical eyes.  I wish I could remember more clearly my past lives and more importantly I wish I could remember what happens between lives.
      But..... Is all that real?  Or not? But then I've known people who see "other realms".  When I'm with a group practicing meditation or other forms of spirituality I feel all happy and that it's all real and all that, but then here I am just finished my Linguistics class in the real world.  I certainly can't talk about the stuff I do in a spiritual group with hardly anyone else in my life.   I day-dreamed a lot in my youth.  Some of the spiritual experiences seem like the day-dreaming I did in my youth. What's the difference between that and spiritual work? Like meditation, trance work, journeying and all that.   I have a hard time journeying or meditating by myself sometimes.  It's difficult for me without the group present.  It's not as deep.
      BUT THEN we (the group(s) I am a part of) may be helping people here on this plane of existence and on/in other worlds with our healing/meditation work.  And maybe when we are no longer in this plane of existence we will be happy that we were more connected to other realms.  Does it just come down to faith?
      The psychic I have mentioned elsewhere, Rob Robb, is really cool.  When he was born all he saw was light when he looked at people.  He was about 8 before he saw the solid form.  Plus he can see his guides and angels with his physical eyes all the time.  He makes one joke that he never feels alone and never has privacy even in the bathroom.  I don't think he is "making it all up".  I do believe what he sees is real.  When he talks in front of a group of people he can see everyone's guides and angels.  I have a friend who can hear the house plants screaming for water. And a woman that I work for can hear that also.  She's amazed that most people can't hear that.  Rob Robb said he hears the grass screaming when he's at a hotel or something and someone is cutting the grass.  Maybe I don't want to hear/see everything.  If and when I do start hearing/seeing things:  #1 I don't want to be confused; #2 I want to be selective.
      Quite some time ago I had either a dream or a daydream where I saw myself looking down from a distance upon this lovely green and blue planet thinking that I could do it again (reincarnate on this planet again).  I suppose when we die we think, "What a ride!"  And then come back again.  It is just a ride.  It's like a blink of an eye in the infinity of all time and space.  This tiny planet where we exist for a time in these bodies that are so restrictive.  Sometimes I wish I could leave.  Especially after one of those journeys or meditations that I have where I go "way out there".  And I DO go "way out there".   Sometimes at those times, I don't want to come back.  Then I do come back and have to live my life as best as I can.
      I also know a woman named B.J. King who is also a psychic but she's more into E.T.'s and she feels she was an E.T. in another life and she feels she speaks with E.T.'s and travels with them at night.  Who knows what's true or not?  Maybe where we are now is the un-truth.
      My big questions are, is it real and how do I integrate my wonderful meditative experiences in to every day life? Anyone out there got an answer?

June 6, 2006... So much for being by myself. I didn't really want to be any way. Moved back in with my ex-husband end of last year. Rather he moved in with me.

Image: Me in Arch in Taos - picture taken by Bert in FebruaryOctober 17, 2002... Tell me something, somebody, what is all this business about light and dark?  Do we all have some light and dark in us, some negative and positive, as Marilyn Manson says or are we really some of us only light and some of us only dark like I-know-who says. I read some from the Marilyn Manson book and I felt sort of depressed or dark or something from reading it.  If there was no dark in me then I shouldn’t have felt anything negative from the book, should I?
      I just want to live my life the way I want to live it.  I want to read whatever I feel like reading in the moment and if it makes me feel depressed, or I feel it's dark or whatever then so be it.  I’m glad to be by myself and on my own and all that good stuff.  No one to force me to do what I don’t want to do.  No one to share my energy with most of the time, anyway. 

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